Its no surprise Gordon Brown wasnt trusted with a holiday brochure

By Judith Woods Published: 7:02AM GMT 03 March 2010

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Today, I find myself shedding a rip for Gordon Brown (and not since he"s cheering in my face or throttling me with my coupler lapels). Our beleaguered Prime Minister is right away removing it in the neck since his mother Sarah chooses where they go on holiday, as though that were surprising or undesirable. Of march she does! We all do!

Were my father to name the idealisation sun"n"sand destination, it would be the Syrian desert, or the Pontic Pentapolis. Once, he outlayed an complete week in a wealthy villa in Corfu, gazing opposite the straits at Communist Albania and murmuring dolefully about world-class Byzantine ruins. I appreciate the Lord he can"t swim, or he would have been shot prior to he reached the shore.

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In the appearing election, the key bridgehead will assumingly be women voters. So let me have it clear. We are flattering most quiescent to the awaiting of Dave, or Gordon, or even small David Miliband using the country, (mis)managing the economy and fortifying each last gentoo penguin on the Falklands. But there isn"t a man alive who can be devoted with a Thomas Cook brochure.

Pointy elbows all you need to get to the top

This week sees an further to the ever-expanding dictionary of cosmetic surgery. Forget hand-lifts or knee-jobs, I benefaction pointy bend augmentation, the must-have procession for aspirational women everywhere.

Why? Because according to Trevor Phillips, the argumentative head of the Equality and Human Rights Commission, a span of pointy elbows is all you need to get forward in complicated Britain. The center classes (cue a carol of mime booing) mount indicted of "jostling their way" to the most appropriate preparation and jobs, since we have a bitch over the things we caring about and have "too most knowledge". Shame on us.

Skeletal Spice Victoria Beckham has pointy elbows could this insist because shes scaled the heights of the conform world? So does Cherie Blair (nuff said). David Camerons see a bit on the podgy side, that is a shame, as he wants to send his young kids to a "really good state secondary", and we all know that takes some-more bend douse than a week at Kwik-Fit.

So lets embankment those drearily bourgeois values of tough work, self-motivation and educational application. The center classes are on the march: only hurl up your sleeves, be at home your not-so-funny-bones and Ill encounter you at the top.