Sister2Sister: cheese strings in the freezer and an art book on lesbianism

By Nell Fenton and Charlotte Bailey Published: 3:53PM GMT 12 Feb 2010

Sister act: B�n�dicte Newland (left), alias the expat mother Nell Fenton, lives in Abu Dhabi; her real-life sibling Pascale Smets, aka the permanently busy Charlotte Bailey, lives in London

Nell

No one could accuse our housemaid Eliza of having a brilliant mind, but she has suddenly gone completely off-piste with the groceries. The juice I get every week needs to be in the fridge, but I have just found it quietly fermenting in the store cupboard. Discovered tinned sardines in the fridge, admittedly not the usual ones I get but fancy-pants sustainable fishing ones, so tins a different colour but still noticeably tins. Finally located cheese strings, another regular lunch-box purchase, inexplicably in the freezer.

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Charlotte

Sounds like the sort of thing you do when youre pregnant. Ellen and Ruth have just been shopping. Ellen has black rubbery smears on her bag and hands and Ruth has dirty knees. This is because when Ellen ran to hold open the closing doors of the Tube for Ruth she forgot that, unlike train doors, they dont bounce back open when in contact with bodies. Instead she did her Incredible Hulk impersonation and used brute strength to force open the doors while Ruth crawled into the train between her legs.

Nell

Impressive technique. Ollie has asked the girl that no one is allowed to say is his girlfriend to our house. A big development as he finds me unbearably embarrassing. Top of the list of things Im not allowed to do while shes here is something I apparently "always do", which is go to his room and shriek orders like "wash your socks" after which green slime starts dripping from my face.

I dont remember this happening nor do I recall Ollie ever washing anything or indeed being asked to wash anything, but I can see how it could be embarrassing.

Charlotte

Explain its your job to embarrass him and thats why hell eventually leave home. Accidentally sent Dans god-daughter Molly an art book on lesbianism for her 16th birthday. Looked lovely when I flicked through it in the bookshop (obv. didnt read any of it) then ordered it online. Only realised it wasnt quite what Id thought when the copy Id ordered for us arrived. Shall now ring Mollys mum and tell her about page 73.

Nell

Makes Dan look very enlightened. Am feeling a little irritated Eliza has just washed Ollies phone for the second time. Cannot get her to wash their water bottles for love or money but with a phone theres no stopping her.

Charlotte

Well, phones harbour germs. Hughs been trying to look up the word for rhino in French. Just came to me plaintively saying it was impossible as "rhino" not in dictionary, only something called a "rhinosaurus", and what the heck was that?